


Si Vis Pacem, Para Bellum

by fireflysglow_archivist



Category: Firefly
Genre: M/M, Multi, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-08-20
Updated: 2004-08-20
Packaged: 2019-04-29 07:02:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14467476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fireflysglow_archivist/pseuds/fireflysglow_archivist
Summary: Jayne and Simon keep Mal out of trouble on U-Day. Out of frying pan,into fire.





	Si Vis Pacem, Para Bellum

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Firefly’s Glow](https://fanlore.org/wiki/Firefly%27s_Glow), and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2018. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Firefly's Glow collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/fireflysglow/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** Note: Written for the Fireflyslash U-Day Challenge

  
Author's notes: Note: Written for the Fireflyslash U-Day Challenge  


* * *

Si Vis Pacem, Para Bellum

## Si Vis Pacem, Para Bellum

There was nothing particularly unusual about a member of the gallant Serenity band getting drunk and stupid, but everyone who wasn't Mal was beginning to dread the repetition compulsion that sent him out for a Drunk and Stupid marathon every U-Day. From what Zoe said, it sounded like following Mal around would just result in their being 86'd from some perfectly good dives when it wasn't even Jayne's fault. 

Gawd, Jayne thought piously. I hate injustice. 

"Si vis pacem, para bellum," Simon said. 

"What the hell kinda Chinese is that?" Jayne asked. 

"It's...never mind. It means 'if you want peace, prepare for war.' It means, well, if I have to use them, I have some pretty serious smoothers." 

"I bet Inara has some handcuffs," Zoe said. "I could ask her..." Zoe pondered the political implications of doing so, and she was just plain embarrassed anyway, but she'd done scarier things than that in her warrior career. 

Jayne's eyes sparkled at the thought of the fabled delights available in the shuttle. "Drugs! Handcuffs! Hey, Simon, if you'n'Nara didn't have that big stick up your pegu, you two'd just be a party waiting to happen." 

"What about that stuff of Dobson's you took?" Wash asked, eyes not sparkling! Definitely no sparklage going on! "He must have had handcuffs." 

"Oh, yeah, I forgot that I...did a security check on that stuff." 

"So, how're we going to work it?" Wash asked. 

"I figure the Doc should walk point on this," Jayne said. "Considering that Mal already don't like him." 

As soon as River signaled them that she could hear Mal's footsteps, they ostentatiously started up a Tallcard game. Just as Mal poured himself a mug of coffee, Simon threw down his cards, histrionically lamenting the go-se pair of pineapples topping his busted flush. "Guess you'll have to take my lunch shift then," Book said. Simon was the worst cook, next to Zoe, and the plan was to maintain Zoe's deniability. 

"Now ain't that the perfect beginning to the perfect day?" Mal said, with a snort. His chow tasted lousy, but he didn't find anything suspicious in that. "Soon's it gets dark, I'll take a stroll around this rock, take in the local cultural attractions," he said. "Zoe, Jayne, y'all come with me," he This Ain't a Suggested. 

He was polishing away at some stains on his brown coat with cleaning fluid when suddenly, he felt dizzy and just folded over in half. 

Simon hung up Mal's coat while Jayne unfolded Mal and put him on the bed the long way. (They came in out of the corridor when they heard the thump.) 

Simon took the handcuffs out of his pocket (Now if that sight don't beat all, Jayne thought). "There isn't a headboard," he said. "A rail at the head of the bed would have been even better." He snapped one of the cuffs onto Mal's right wrist, the other to the leg of the bed. 

"Thought of that already," Jayne said, producing a long dark strip of cloth and throwing it back to its rightful owner. 

"That's one of my ties," Simon said. 

"Yeah! You was wearin' it first time you got on this boat, and I thought, Damn, he looks stupid in that get-up. Specially the specs." 

Simon blushed, which Jayne enjoyed until he realized that it meant that the blood wasn't going where it could do the most good. Jayne could see it certainly wasn't the first time Simon had ever put anyone in restraints, although he figured that was probably just business. 

Mal awoke with a splutter. He took in the situation. "You two goddamn Judases. Well, I'll see you in Hell for selling me out." 

Simon gently touched Mal's forehead to comfort him and ran his hand down Mal's face to comfort himself. "It's not like that, Captain. It's for your own good. We've heard from Zoe how every U-Day you provoke a fight, and you come back bruised, and battered..." 

"Hell," Jayne said, his thumb curled in his belt. "If that's what it's all about, betcha we could arrange something." 

Say, kids! Simon thought. Let's put on the show right here! In the old barn! 

"Yeah?" Mal said. "Simon, you say this is all supposed to be for my benefit?" 

He nodded. "Fine," Mal said, looking over at Jayne, who stood with spread legs and crossed arms near the head of the bed. "Prove it. I want to watch you suck Jayne's cock." 

"I..." Simon began, and then thought, Why the hell not? Why don't I ever get to do anything that's fun? Unless he has a snake tattooed on it or something, you've got to draw the line somewhere. 

"Best plan of the Cap'n's I've heard in a month of Sundays," Jayne said. 

Simon unbuttoned the fly (commando, to no one's surprise) and the touch of his hand converted mostly-hard to way-hard, Jayne's foreskin sliding back like the sun emerging from cloud cover. Simon ran a fingertip back and forth along the coronal ridge. When he brought his thumbnail into play, Jayne gulped and said, "Mal said suck it...not grind it off." 

Simon put one arm around Jayne's waist, put his other hand on Mal's chest for balance, and all at once the pig was in the python. 

"I think he's waitin' for you to beg," Mal said cheerfully. Simon lifted the hand off Mal's chest and circled finger and thumb to assent. 

"Gorram...boy....pretty," Jayne said, which must have passed current because a few deep strokes and a lot of tongue work later Jayne, trashed, collapsed back against the nearest wall. 

Half-swallowing, Simon rearranged himself on the narrow bunk. He scooped up the sweater he wore (but didn't take it off), wrenched Mal's shirt about half-open, and opened Mal's mouth for a wide potentiated kiss. 

Jayne, once his eyes would open again, dropped to his knees to improve his viewing angle. He buried a hand in Simon's hair. "Take your mouth off him," he said. "Wanna hear you..." 

Simon bit down on Mal's neck. That and his long legs pinioning Mal's, and the touch of sometimes cloth on cloth, or skin on cloth or skin on skin and last but emphatically not least the heat through four layers of clothing of the cock grinding against his sent Mal off with groan after groan (backed up with grunts and a high keening that ended in a near-sob). 

"Circulation," Simon said, and pulled the tie loose from Mal's wrist. 

"If you pretend to have lost the key, I will end you," Mal said. 

"Jayne's pocket," Simon said, rolling off the bunk and falling asleep with his head on the edge. Jayne managed to stay conscious long enough to hand it over. Mal unlocked the handcuff, gazed affectionately at the puppy-pile at the side of his rack, and thought about heading for the shower to clean up. Way too much trouble. He dropped back onto the bed, turned on his side, and fell asleep with one hand on each of the tousled dark heads. 

"So, where're we going?" Wash asked at breakfast. 

"The nearest planet is Kelkitar," River said. "That'd be funny." 

"Funny, how?" Wash asked cautiously. 

"It's the other side of the Interworld Dateline," River said. "Relativity paradox...crossing back and getting younger..."

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

Title:   **Si Vis Pacem, Para Bellum**   
Author:   **Executrix**   
Details:   **Standalone**  |  **NC-17**  |  ***slash***  |  **6k**  |  **08/20/04**   
Characters:  Malcolm, Jayne, Simon   
Pairings:  Malcolm/Jayne/Simon   
Summary:  Jayne and Simon keep Mal out of trouble on U-Day. Out of frying pan,into fire.   
Notes:  Note: Written for the Fireflyslash U-Day Challenge   
Sequel to:  Malcolm In the Middle   
  



End file.
